My Wife Self

This is the second week in a series about the multitude of “selves” that come together to create the person people know as “Megan Fackenthal”.  For more information on the general idea of this, please click here.  To see the first post in this series about my “work self”, please click here.

I’m feeling very vulnerable as I write this post.  I think, in large part, because my “wife self” is still very young.  My husband and I have been married for just over 6 years.  I’m still learning how to be a wife.

It’s also harder for me to put into succinct phrases a definition of my wife self.  Part of this is because “she” is so new.  I haven’t been journaling about and with my wife self for all that long.   Part of it may also be because unlike my work self – where I feel like I have boundaries as to where “she” needs to be existing – I am always a wife.

That being said, I know that my wife self …

  • loves my husband unconditionally and simultaneously wants the see him reach his highest potential (and I have to struggle not to push him obnoxiously)
  • is super sensitive at even the slightest hint that my husband is not supportive of my thoughts, actions, beliefs, etc.
  • is less clean and tidy than my husband
  • loves the shared calendar option on i-calender

It’s usually obvious when I’m writing about my wife self when my husband or my household is involved in the writing.  I know I’m writing with my wife self when I talk glowingly about my husband.  I know I’m writing with my wife self when I’m talking about how much I love my husband or how much potential I see in my husband.  I know I’m writing with my wife self if I’m writing about feeling guilt or shame about not having tidied my room or cleaned the bathroom.

Other times, it’s less clear that I’m writing with or about my wife self because the content may not include my house or my husband.  For example, I may be writing about a fight with someone other than my husband and then, through the journaling process, I will realize that the hurt I’m experiencing comes because I did not feel as though my husband supported me.  Please know, this is not about being a damsel in distress who needs saving, it’s about the fact that even if I was wrong (what, me wrong?!?), I wanted him to support me.

I talk about being less clean and tidy than my husband and the I-Cal because they factor into the many things that my wife self has written about.  The I-Cal is a solution that my husband and I have come up with to help with our communication.  The clean and tidiness is about learning how to live with each other and learning our love languages and what all that means.

This part of myself, this label of “wife”, while newer, is ever pervasive and I’m enjoying journaling about it.  I’m still learning how being a wife changes the other aspects of myself, or doesn’t.

If you’re a wife, how would you describe your wife-self?

Or, do you have a part of yourself, maybe a label, that is newer than the other parts of yourself?  How is that integration going?

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