Since this is a blog about journaling, I thought it might be a good idea for me to share with you one of my journal entries.

I’m sharing this particular entry because this tackles something with which I genuinely struggle: allowing myself to make mistakes.

I wrote about this on Monday.  I got a few people asking about how I journal with or about my perfectionism self.  Here is an excerpt from my journal:

It’s easy to do this [allow a mistake to define me] when I’m insecure about what I’m doing. I move forward with a mask of confidence but I truly fear that the mistake has hurt my relationship(s).
But relationships can be healed. This mistake isn’t all ending. This mistake is not a reflection of my entire (poor) character.
Reality is – I am not loved because I do. I am loved because I am.
Why is reality so hard to accept?!?  I keep coming back to the fact that this “I” has to be more defined. Has to be something specific … I have to be doing something to be deserving of this love. But this only further allows me to say that this definable part of me is lovable while the other part/the mistakes may not be so.
Reality is – I am not loved because I do.  I am loved because I am – just for showing up.
Reality is – the messy parts of me, even the perfectionism part of me, is loved for being.  I am enough.
I can’t say that I always believe this or act in this way.  However, this is one way that I can shower my perfectionism self with grace.

 

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